My Marathi!!! :)

lÕácnÕÇ®Õ mÕÕbiÕÕ
`HÕÀáuuÕ ìè OÕcÕÕuÕ cnCÕpÕí JÕÀÕ³Õ?' `jíÕÆ[DÕçí ÕÆcÕj®ÕÕÇ' ní JÕÀÕ³Õ hÕÏJÕÀjCÕ DÕÕní? cÕiÕ `ìÕÇknÕÇ JÕÀçíÕÆLÕbyÕÕÇj' JÕÀÕ vÕmÕÕkÕÕÇ? cÕÕÇ lÕáPÕÕÇ cÕolÕ JÕÀjlÕçí, lÕè cÕÕPÕÕÇ cÕolÕ JÕÀj, ní JÕÀÕ³Õ DÕÕní? cÕolÕ `cÕÕPÕÕÇ' JÕÀjlÕÕ JÕÀÕ `cÕuÕÕ' JÕÀjlÕÕlÕ? vÕÕjU KÕkÕCÕCÕí cnCÕpÕí JÕÀÕ³Õ? jlÕÕȳÕÕ®ÕÕ JÕÀÕÇmÕ JÕÀáþuÕÕ? DÕÕuÕb-uÕmÕCÕÕ®ÕÕÇ hÕímì JÕÀµÕÕÇ yÕvÕlÕí? l³ÕÕ®³ÕÕ cÕÕiÕ®ÕÕÇ hÕÕµkÕ&YÕècÕÕÇ mÕcÕpÕèvÕ I³ÕÕ, cnCÕpÕí vÕJÕwJÕÀÕÇ JÕÀÕ³Õ mÕcÕpÕèvÕ I³ÕÕ³Õ®Õb? `cÕÕvÕÕÆmÕJÕÀlÕÕ' ní JÕÀÕ³Õ uÕHÕÀ[b DÕÕní? DÕÕOÕÕÇ®Õ cÕvÕ, hÕá{í cÕÕvÕmÕ, hÕá{í `FJÕÀ' hÕÏl³Õ³Õ uÕÕiÕèvÕ cÕÕvÕÕÆmÕJÕÀ, hÕá{í ÕÆvÕÕ, j®Õ>Õ, YÕÕkÕ>Õ, DÕbpuÕÕÇ, oÏÕ@hoÕÇ, cÕbiuÕÕ nÕÇ JÕÀáþuÕÕÇ vÕÕkÕb? DÕcÕJÕw³ÕÕ lÕcÕJÕw³ÕÕ®ÕÕ ScÕ.S. `JÕÀjÕ³Õ®ÕÕ' ÕÆkÕ®ÕÕj DÕÕní cnCÕlÕÕlÕ. ScÕ. S. JÕÀjCÕÕj cnCÕpÕí lÕçí hÕrîÕÕ vÕJÕwJÕÀÕÇ JÕÀÕ³Õ JÕÀjCÕÕj? hÕçíjÕbvÕÕ µÕÕUílÕ IÕÕuÕlÕÕlÕ JÕÀÕÇ ìÕJÕÀlÕÕlÕ? `pÕíkÕCÕ yÕvÕkÕuÕb JÕÀÕ?' nÕ JÕÀÕ³Õ hÕϵvÕ DÕÕní? `mkÕ³ÕbhÕÕJÕÀ JÕÀíuÕÕ JÕÀÕ' DÕmÕb cnCÕlÕÕ ³ÕíCÕÕj vÕÕnÕÇ JÕÀÕ? mÕÕ[ÕÇ IÕÕuÕlÕÕlÕ JÕÀÕ? mkÕíìj ÕƵÕkÕlÕÕlÕ JÕÀÕ? PÕÕ[è uÕÕkÕlÕÕlÕ JÕÀÕ? `pÕíkÕCÕ uÕÕkÕuÕb³Õ' cnCÕpÕí `KÕÕvÕÕ uÕiÕÕ³ÕÕ nÌ' DÕmÕb®Õ vÕÕ? `hÕá{í pÕÕTvÕ lÕí kÕJÕwlÕí cnCÕÕuÕí...' nÕÇ JÕÀÕ³Õ JÕÀãlÕÕÇ DÕÕní? JÕÀµÕÕ®³ÕÕ hÕá{í pÕÕTvÕ? HÕÀÕj hÕá{í iÕíuÕí lÕj mìípÕkÕªvÕ hÕ[lÕÕÇuÕ vÕÕ ÕÆyÕ®ÕÕjí... `DÕÕiÕí ®ÕuÕJÕÀí GvnçíbvÕí JÕÀnÕ' DÕmÕb ÕÆnboÕÇlÕ DÕmÕlÕb, cnCÕèvÕ DÕÕhÕCÕnÕÇ hÕá{í pÕÕTvÕ yÕçíuÕÕ³Õ®Õb? `lÕè pÕÕT µÕJÕÀµÕÕÇuÕ JÕÀÕ?', `lÕè JÕÀª µÕJÕÀuÕÕ DÕmÕlÕÕmÕ.' nÕ µÕJÕw³Õ ÕƯçÀ³ÕÕhÕoÕ®ÕÕ OÕá[iÕèmÕ JÕÀÕ? FbiÕÏpÕÕÇlÕ `JÕÀ@vÕ-JÕÀá[' DÕmÕlÕb cnCÕèvÕ?
http://www.loksatta.com/daily/20071028/lr12.htm

Really good article to read!!! But you must download required font if you cannot read the text above. Use character encoding "western windows1252" after that . Its worth doing so much of efforts। Even I came to know about some of the most common mistakes I commit when I converse in "my Marathi"

(माझा तो जाज्वल्य अभिमान पोकळच होता म्हणायचा)

SOAPS

I hate soaps... I couldn't gather enough courage to watch even a single episode of any of the Ekta Kapoor serials, but I have had enough from their Marathi counterparts. The only exceptions as far as these marathi serials are concerned, were "वादळवाट" and now "असंभव". I was not (and still am not) regular viewer of any of these series, still I like both these, only common factor (which is actually a deciding factor) is that these are free from illogical, far fetched, extreme behavior of its characters , त्यांची रडारड, सण साजरा करण्यात, नाचण्यात भुमिकांचा (अणि प्रेक्षकांचाही :D) वाया घालवलेला वेळ, गतीहीन कथानक etc etc etc. वादळवाट आवडण्याचं मुख्य कारण मात्रा music होतं. त्यातले actors talented होतेच, no doubt about that.. But these days, almost all of them are working in "आपली माणसं" (ETV) which is again a pathetic serial. (I know what u r thinking! Please remove that misconception, मी मराठी channels ला चिकटलेला नसतो. One... or at most 2 scenes in an episode are sufficient enough to get an idea about "quality" of serial.)

It really hurts when actors for whom you had respect, whom you have admired all these years are working for a serial that is going nowhere. "वाया गेलेली केस" म्हणतात तशी ह्यातली सर्वात भयानक सीरियल म्हणजे "चार दिवस सासुचे". अरे चाराचे चारहजार दिवस झाले यार, आता तरी पुरे.... रोहिणी हट्टंगडी, कविता लाड सारखे actors काय करतायत? त्यांना कंटाळा येत नही का एकाच टाईपची acting(?) रोज करायला? एक सून अति-सुस्वभावी (read "अति-बावळट") अणि दुसरी सून फक्त कपटी (again read "बावळट-but comparatively lesser") कशी असू शकते? कोणीही पूर्ण चांगलं अथवा पूर्ण वाईट नस्तं, ही basic बाब हे कसे विसरतात? सर्वच serials slow असतात, but this serial is too much!!! By and large कोणत्याही episode मध्ये प्रमुख characters पैकी ३/४ characters सम्पूर्ण episode एकच वाक्य बोलत असतात. I remember 3 (!!!) consecutive episodes where Kavita Lad's adopted son is kidnapped by his real mother (a vamp) and Kavita Lad is begging for help all these episodes, vamp torturing her own son all the the time, rohini hattangadi consoling Kavita Lad (imagine 3 episodes like that!!!) Sorry for the torture to you (reading all this), but I am writing all this केवळ मन मोकळं करायला... चीड़ येते अशा directors आणि writers ची!

हल्लीची एक सीरियल म्हणजे "कळत नकळत". परत सुनील बर्वे, ऋतुजा गोडबोले असे चांगले actors. Pan poor direction, weak characters अणि हरवलेली स्क्रिप्ट. केवळ music video पाह्ण्याजोगा आहे. असो, ह्या सीरियल बद्दल बोलायची इच्छासुद्धा नाहीय्ये आता...

असंभव बद्दल सांगायचं तर उत्तम कलावंतं, परिणामकारक संगीत दिग्दर्शन, ओघवतं कथानक हे मुख्य पैलू ठरावेत. तुम्हाला माहित असेलच मी नस्तिकतेकडे झूकणर्यांतला आहे, मात्र ही serial मला अगदी मनापासून आवडली. विशेषतः सुलेखाच्या अध्यात्मिक गुरुने केलेला काम् तर अप्रतिम.... मला त्या कलाकाराचं नाव माहित नही, पण ती पूर्णं वेळ proper bearing मध्ये असते.... असंभव एक कलाकृति म्हणून पाहण्यासाराखी नक्कीच आहे. मला सध्याच्या मराठी सा रे ग म प चे episodes अणि ह्या serial चे episodes DVD वर write मारून हवेत. (कोणी असले प्रताप केले असल्यास मला plz कळवणे. )

राखीपौर्णिमेनिमित्त blog entry :

एकदा एक मुलगी राखी पौर्णिमेला राख्या घेऊन आली कॉलेजमध्ये.
अशी अन् तशी प्रेझेंटी कमीच होती मुलांची, त्यात उरलेले पसार झाले.
एक स्मार्ट मुलगा बसला होता कट्यावर
ती तिकडे गेली आणि म्हणाली हात दे, राखी बांधते।
तर हे साहेब म्हणाले मुळीच नाही।
ती म्हणाली का? काय झालं काय?
हा म्हणे वा ग वा! शहाणीच आहेस की, मी उद्या मंगळसूत्र आणतो, तू घेशील का बांधून? :))

(एक प्रांजळ कबुली: तो स्मार्ट मुलगा मी नव्हतो ! :D )

Understanding of the world around us! (and Theism)

My intution now tells me that its not only GRE exam.... everything that we see, touch, hear, smell, experience is telling us something..... essentially same set of facts, only that I do not have ability to decode everything.

Call this view as spiritual, but I don't find it confortable to see myself associated with an adjective "spiritual" because believe it or not, I feel the word has a negative connotation, and I am sure you don't agree with the last statement. I am not so comfortable with the word because of my strong disgust towards Sadhu babas, maulas or priests that act superior towards people around them and quite contradictorily state that no one is superior or inferior in front of god. Everything about them is self contradicting. They enjoy all the luxuries, indulge in all kinds of politics, earn enormous amount of money and ask followers to free themsleves from urge, hunger, anger. But why am I attacking spirituality? Actually speaking, I don't have anything against spirituality but its just that this word brings many such culprits (like Aniruddha baba, Mungle Maharaj, Vamanrao Pai and list goes on...) in my mind. I confess that I am unnecessarily mixing up 2 different isues here.

To be frank, as orthodox as most believers are and as blind as their faith is, one day I was a "blind" atheiest. I used to object to everything that has even hint of theism. But now, I have started realising that whatever is there in our religious texts or spiritual ones, really makes sense. It involves great amount of logic, study of nature and its laws and also moves on to draw inferences. It is a clearcut cause-result relationship that was presented. We find a common ground or foundation over which laws of any religion are based. But I guess, over a period of time, everything was intentionally made obscure, meanings were distorted by selfish, hypocritical people which has resulted in a chaos we see today. So, coming back to decoding, we need to filter out such 'noise signals' and then decode them. That might enhance our understanding of the world and utilise our sensory inputs more efficiently; read the first line if its not clear to you what I am talking about. Yes, I know what you are thinking... Right, I sound as confused as usual...

Thoughts on GRE

Today was my date with GRE exam ;). Though I didn't score as much as I was expecting, I liked the way this exam is conducted. You may be aware that it is computer adaptive test i.e. difficulty level of next question depends upon the correctness of your previous answer. Also, you cannot go back to a question and change answer. Though this was known to me even before I registered for the test and I had appeared for many practice tests prior to the exam; I don't know why, I kept thinking about this feature for an hour or so after the exam. It was quite appealing to me because later, I arrived at a conclusion that this exam bears a great amount of resemblance to the life we lead, barring eccentric exceptions.
Some examples:

1. You can never go back and change your answer.
(You cannot go back in time and do whatever you "should have". You are bound to face consequences of whatever you do (or don't do) in the past.)

2. Attempt your first few questions properly. They matter the most. However, it is important not to get disheartened if you are not sure about one or two. It is not necessary that all of the initial answers 'must' be correct for a reasonably good score. Also answering them correctly doesn't guarantee very high percentile, you may spoil it later in haste.
(Yeah, as they say, first impression is the last impression. But of course, we do know, it is not always the last impression, you can always spoil or make up your image.)

3. If you answer correctly, you should expect next question to be slightly tougher than previous one. If you don't, expect an easier question.
(When you manage to do some work properly, people around you expect you to do even more difficult tasks. Your deeds only raise or lower their expectations).

4.Therefore, getting harder questions is more beneficial than getting easier questions.
(Greater the responsibility, higher is the social status and also.... income.)

5. There is an unidentified section in the exam that is not scored. One is advised to attempt all the sections with equal attentiveness. You never know what is going to count and what is not.
(Legendary quote in Bhagvatgeeta "कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन" or simply put: Do your job, don't look for profit or gain when you are doing that।)

There may be even more, but I thought of only these.... :)

I need the most (2)!

I wish I had someone/some tool that would keep track of (and also NOTE down) each and every thought of mine. नाही, माझा असा समज नाहीय्ये की मी जो काही विचार करतो तो चांगला/सेन्सीबल/सगळ्यांसमोर मांडण्याजोगा असतो, किंबहुना मी निःशंक आहे की तसं नाहीय्ये। :)

मी माज करत नाहीय्ये, पण आजकाल स्वप्नात कधी मी नवे सिनेमे तयार करुन पाहतो, कविता तयार करतो, कवितेला चालही देतो (no anu malik style, no plagiarism), एवढंच काय तर कधी कधी जाग आल्यावर माझ्या डोक्यात ते गाणं चालु असतं, एखादं (माझ्या मते "मस्तं" असं) वाक्यं सुचतं, कधी फिरताना अचानक एखाद्या story ची theme सुचते, ते कुठेतरी लिहावं म्हणुन बसावं तर काही क्षणातच.... सगळं खल्लास! सगळं विसरतो!!! आणि tune लिहिणार कशी, मी संगीत विशारद तर नाही! Therefore, I need something that records everything that I think about. This thing may seem very arbit/making no sense at all, but it surely makes sense at to me, esp when I'll read back whatever it is going to write. Not always there lies a creativity, sometimes when I read my own writings, I get to know about myself (and sometimes get embarrassed), my opinions... about people, issues, overall systems, my plans to change it etc. Then I also realize की मी अजुन स्वतःला पूर्णपणे जाणलेलं नाहीय्ये. मी कोण अहे, मी काय अहे? खरं पाहता लोकान्नी मला माझी ओळख करुन दिली आहे. माझं नावही माझं नाहीय्ये, तेदेखील मला 'देण्यात' आलेलं अहे. मी ओळखतो का स्वतःला?

Whacky gadgets that I need the most!

I'm desperately looking for a time-machine. (Yes, obviously even I wish to live my good ol' school days, but that's not the prime reason here).

I really get irritated when people commit/do something and later on say "Mi he kelach nahi", "mi asa kaahi bolaloch/bolalech nahi". I don't understand why do people lie! Ok, I'm not claiming I do not do so, but what I'm talking about is its frequency, objective and level of that objective. Now don't ask me what time machine has got to do with all this. If I had that thing with me, I'd have used it just to bring truth forward and prove who is right and who is not.... Hey, I don't need that actually, can we have really large array of cameras, one for each person, that covers all the actvities.... Oops, now comes up the privacy issue. Are u thinking about suggesting me lie detector? Naah, it has its own limitations... So finaly, time machine seems to be reasonable bid here, provided "parallel universe theory" is not valid.

Selective Expandable Posts

Thanks to Ramani, I am able to have selective expandable posts (hopefuly)! This is a test if that code works!

And yes, its working! Anyway, if u r interested, visit: http://hackosphere.blogspot.com/2006/11/selective-expandable-posts.html

Men vs. Women (Part2)

Some facts:
Men:
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don’t really care for them.
4. Although they don’t really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if a woman leaves them.
7. Although the woman leaves they still don’t learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.

Women:
1. the most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just “An old rag”.
6. Although their clothes are always “just an old rag”, they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don’t believe you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loyalty:
Women: A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl) friend`s apartment overnight. So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and none of them confirm that she was with them...

Men: A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend`s apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still with them . . . !!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Diary:
Her DIARY

I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was
my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and
not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply
smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why
he didn't say, "I love you, too." When we got home I felt as if I had
lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.He just sat
there and watched TV.; he seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided
to go to bed. About 10 minutes
later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I
decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I
started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do.
I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else and someone new has
entered his life. My life is a disaster.


HIS DIARY:
Today India lost the cricket match. DAMN IT !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How to Keep a Woman Happy
It's not difficult!

All you have to do is to be:

1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist
15. A gynecologist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. Be honest
47. Be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention,
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU:

53. Never forget:
birthdays
anniversaries
arrangements she makes

(2) HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY!!! :

1. Leave him in peace
2. Feed him well.
3. Let him have the remote control.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Discoveries and inventions:
The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,
The woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
The woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

The man discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS,
The woman discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY.

The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
The woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
The woman discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE.

The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
The woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things...
While the women STUCK to shopping. :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Men vs. Women

Men vs. Women
Some subtle (and some not so subtle) differences

(I wish to clarify that there's 0% of my creativity involved in the following text... a bunch of fwds!
Also... Moral police, please leave!!! :) )

Dressing Up:

Women: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.

Men: A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

Handwriting:
Men: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch.

Women: Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot the "i" with circles or hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in the "p" and "g". It is a pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she will put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Groceries:

Women: A woman makes a list of things she needs, then goes out to the store and buys those things.

Men: A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the express lane.

Relationships:

Women: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.

Men: A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.

***:

Women: They prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay.

Men: They prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place part of the foreplay.

Maturity:

Women: They mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults.

Men: Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

Magazines:

Men: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body.

Women: Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.

Bathrooms:

Men: A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

Women: The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man cannot identify most of these items.

Shoes:

Women: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk.

Men: A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. Let's not talk about how many days he'll wear the same socks.

Cats:

Women: Women love cats.

Men: Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

Children:

Women: A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.

Men: A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Laundry:

Women: Women do laundry every couple of days.

Men: A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants (the ones that were hip about eight years ago) before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old episodes of "Love American Style."

Eating Out:

Men: When the check comes, each man will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

Women: When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

Mirrors:

Men: Men are vain and will check themselves out in a mirror.

Women: They are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, bald guys' heads.

Menopause:

Women: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual.

Men: Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction - he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

The Phone:

Men: Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people.

Women: A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Richard Gere:

Women: Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way.

Men: Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women.

Madonna:

Same as above, but reversed. Same reason.

Toys:

Women: Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.

Men: Men never grow out of their toy obsession. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive, silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TVs. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate.

Cameras:

Men: Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes.

Women: Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures.

Locker Rooms:

Men: In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.

Women: They talk about one thing in the locker room - ***. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.

Movies:

Women: Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man.

Men: The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.

Jewelry:

Women: Women look nice when they wear jewelry.

Men: A man can get away with wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

Conversation:

Men: Men need a good disagreement to get talking. For instance, "Wow, great movie." or "What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size."

Women: Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men by saying something agreeable: "That garden by the roadside looks lovely." "Mm hmm." Pause. "That was a good restaurant last night, wasn't it?" "Yeah." Pause. And so on.

Leg Warmers:
Women: Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants.

Men: A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the "Gimme the Ball" number in "A Chorus Line."

Nightouts:
Women: Women on a girls' night out talk the whole time.

Men: Men on a boy's night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are "Pass the Doritos" or "got any more beer?"

Restrooms:
Women: Women use restrooms as social lounges. Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. Women also go to the restroom in packs, at least two women at a time excuse themselves to use the restroom.

Men: Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Men in a restrooms will never speak a word to each other. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?"

Earthday Footprint Quiz

They said:

"IF EVERYONE LIVED LIKE YOU, WE WOULD NEED 1.0 PLANETS"

(1.0!!!! I have been saying this, you see , if everyone lived like me, this world would be perfect, a much better place! Now, isn't that a confirmation? My lifestyle is perfect!!! :o Yeah.... myself surprised! )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Btw, if you wish to know what I'm talking about (and even if you didn't care :P ), please spare a minute or two to check your "ecological footprint".

2 red pens, Aquafina bottle and INFOSYS!!!!

What a day!!!! What an amazing day!!!! I got placed in Infosys today through college campus interview.... And experience was awesome!!!!

MY FIRST JOB! No one can truly understand how that feels until one arrives at that point. I'm excited, really very happy and in partying mood. But I'm sitting in front of this modern idiot box to let my feelings come out in rather creative way. (Weird person.... as always...)

Even after being kicked out by both TCS and WIPRO in identical manner, i was not at all bogged down by what happened. Even my gmail status yesterday read "If you don't get what you wanted, remember there's always something better that is coming up". I won't say I was not disappointed, but I was not particularly sad. Its but natural for anyone to feel bad when you clear Aptitude test, clear technical interview, appear for final round of HR interview (not to mention prolonged "idle/wait" states in between all these stages-testing your patience, your ability to control hunger and yes... sometimes nature calls! :) ) and at the end of the day, i.e. not earlier than 10pm, you are told "You have been rejected"!

Even today, things were not very smooth, in fact i had even lesser hope initially-compared to last 2 days, reason being the difficulty level of the aptitude test with which the day started. TCS and WIPRO tests were too easy and I was 100% sure to clear the first hurdle. Not the same case with infosys test today. I was not 100% sure, though I kept telling myself "its difficult for everyone, so no need to panic, you'll get through!" T&P dept aggrandized my anxiety by displaying result one hour late and also by not putting my name in the first list of shortlisted candidates. 2nd list was put up after an hour or so and Bingo!!! My name was there! (first in 8th list) I suppose, lists were not sorted based on score; gender was definitely the criteria for sorting, as there was one list consisting only girls, but anyway.... thats besides the point and didn't bother me also. I was only happy being shortlisted. Now again, I made up my mind again for a really long "idle/wait" state but there was a solace! Infosys was not going to conduct 2 interview screenings. Only single interview! What a great relief!!! But here also, I was bit unlucky, my name was called out at about 8:30pm.

I went in, interviewer asked me to sit down and asked for my CV. He took his time in reading CV and (atleast told me that) he was very much impressed. I know he must have read thousands of better CVs before but anyway... I smiled and thanked him. Now the interview:
(He: The interviewer and Me:Myself)

He:You have mentioned Badminton and Table Tennis as your interests. Are you professional player.. have you ever played at some level say state level etc. or you just play with your friends?
Me: Just play with friends sir... I'm not a professional player although I represented my school in Badminton at interschool level. I'm not good player but again, neither too bad!
He: You won some prize there or something?
Me: Frankly speaking, in my school there were not many players, so i was in the team. So, i didn't actually deserve to be in the team...
He: No, but what was the result?
Me:I played in 3 competitions. I won 2 matches in 2 competitions each and in the other, i was knocked out in the first round itself.
He:It is very difficult to judge a person in such 10-15 mins interview. Tell me about yourself, something that you have and is not written in CV.
Me:(Thought for a while and finalyy said) in todays PPT, there was one word which speaker used, you are looking for "Hungry Performers". I see myself as hungry performer.
(After that, I illustrated that with example-my mini project. I wanted it to be best in the class and blah blah...)
He:Do you read newspaper daily? Business times? Political news etc? Do you keep yourself updated?
(For past few weeks, I've not read even a single word from news paper so, i was afraid he might ask me qns abt some recent event)
Me: Sir, it so happens that sometimes I read newspaper for many consecutive days but sometimes there are no newspapers. And also, i don't read much about business world.

(Then he seemed disappointed. He asked me what sections do i read to which i replied "headlines, national news, state, things happening in the city" (the word "things" was wrong i guess). He then asked me to tell him about news in last week's paper if I've not read paper this week. "Musharraf asked Indian govt to call back its troops if peace process is to be continued"). He asked me if i did any kind of preparation for the interview. I mentioned my sister-in-law's help and some sites.He also asked me whether I'm from English medium or not, also asked me about Purushottam drama for which i worked and a way in which script writing team used to work)

He said "you were an editor of marathi section and you have contributed poetries and a science fiction also (in gist), I'll give you one pen and a water bottle, write something about that. You can use marathi, hindi or english as these are the only languages that i understand. Let's see your creativity" and he kept a red pen and aquafina bottle on the table.

After scratching my head for sometime (not actually) and pondering over what to write, I finally scribbled something like this:

मेजावरती लाल लेखणी
निकट तिच्या आहे पाणी
मिश्रण करता 'लाल पाणी'
वेगळी मात्र 'रक्ताची गाणी'

He: wah wah... That was good.... chhaan! and said that i can go. (He seemed very much impressed again!)

I came out and i was very happy because of the climax of above-mentioned interview. However, there were still 34 more candidates and it took them more than an hour. Test of my patience (those who know me, know very well how impatient i'm) was not yet over. Myself along with 4 more candidates were again called for an interview against a new panel (speakers for ppt presentation in the morning). I guess, we were on the borderline of being rejected/accepted. Here again, I was called in at the very end.

He:How was your day Vedhas?
Me:Fine but hectic to some extent.
He:Why hectic?
Me:Cause had to wait for long for the interview and i was very much hungry. But just before the last interview I went and had food.
He:So, you had your food! Good, so are you comfortable now?
Me:Yes, I'm
He:Vedhas, Tell us something about you and is not written in your CV.
Me: In today's ppt you mentioned some things about candidates. Transparency,Adaptibility, compatibilty..... (waited if i can recollect anything more) I feel I've all these qualities.
He: Forget ppt, tell us something that is very much unique, which your peers do not have. When I say Vedhas, what will come up in anyone's mind, what will one notice?
Me: (Smiling) May be my specs... (But he didn't smile) But yeah... My truthfulness. Many people who know me can vouch for my credibility.
He: any other quality?
Me: My convincing power, despite the problem that i have.
He: Ok, here's one pen, now convince me to buy that pen. Have a look at it for 20 secs and start. (actually he gave me less than 10 secs... cheating cheating! :) )
Me: You must have hear about reynolds company, right? Do you know reynolds company?
He:Yes...
Me: That is what! It is very well known comapny. Now look at this pen. Its manufactured by reynolds. The name of the brand is fusion. Why fusion? Fusion is combining of some things. (bad sentence, i know) In this pen also, many good things are combined. Just see, its written o.5 which means diameter of the tip is of 0.5, which means you can write very finely. If it was larger you won't be able to right in a small space. There are many pens in market, Cello Technotip, Cello gripper. Look at this pen. (I took out a pen from my pocket) Its 0.6. Now you may ask, whats the difference? its just 0.1, but when there is a small space to fill in your name, difference of 0.1 will make a huge huge difference. Now come to its grip. It has got grip...
He: But why should i need this grip?
Me: see, its made of rubber. Its elastic. It gets stretched and compressed depending upon your own requirements, so that hand won't be strained. Now why THIS pen? You can buy similar brand from market , but there is a difference. Look at this. "Infosys" is written on this pen. Here's the main difference. You won't get such pen in the market with "infosys" written on it.
He:That was good! Do you have any questions for us?
(I told them i didn't have any. I told them that i read their website, but had very little time for preparation so preferred visiting wikipedia. And said "Its growing fast, I don't have any querry or any problem working for Infosys")

We students gathered in room no. 11 and 15 mins later, infosys guys came to the room. They started off saying that they were disappointed, some of us lack communication skills, some were not "fit", were planning to take more than 150 students but have finalised list of 125. He started reading out the list. As he talked about communication skills, i knew my chances were diminished (those who know me, know why). But i continued listening with a hope. After few pages, even that hope was near extinction. When he arrived at the last page, I saw that only 5-6 names were there on that page. Disappointed yet again, i started packing my bag, and my name was called out at the very end. You won't believe (I myself didn't), but i heard a great sigh from the whole class after my name was called out. I won't attribute that to myself, i guess it was because many of my friends were present in that class. I became very happy and cheerful at the very instant i heard my name in the list.

We all came out of that room and hugged one another, celebrated, sghouted and what not! and it was past 10:30pm.


(I have written down the exact interview answers without any grammatical correction above. I'll be happy if you post your sincere comments about the story, grammar or vocab or anything else you may want to add)