I need the most (2)!

I wish I had someone/some tool that would keep track of (and also NOTE down) each and every thought of mine. नाही, माझा असा समज नाहीय्ये की मी जो काही विचार करतो तो चांगला/सेन्सीबल/सगळ्यांसमोर मांडण्याजोगा असतो, किंबहुना मी निःशंक आहे की तसं नाहीय्ये। :)

मी माज करत नाहीय्ये, पण आजकाल स्वप्नात कधी मी नवे सिनेमे तयार करुन पाहतो, कविता तयार करतो, कवितेला चालही देतो (no anu malik style, no plagiarism), एवढंच काय तर कधी कधी जाग आल्यावर माझ्या डोक्यात ते गाणं चालु असतं, एखादं (माझ्या मते "मस्तं" असं) वाक्यं सुचतं, कधी फिरताना अचानक एखाद्या story ची theme सुचते, ते कुठेतरी लिहावं म्हणुन बसावं तर काही क्षणातच.... सगळं खल्लास! सगळं विसरतो!!! आणि tune लिहिणार कशी, मी संगीत विशारद तर नाही! Therefore, I need something that records everything that I think about. This thing may seem very arbit/making no sense at all, but it surely makes sense at to me, esp when I'll read back whatever it is going to write. Not always there lies a creativity, sometimes when I read my own writings, I get to know about myself (and sometimes get embarrassed), my opinions... about people, issues, overall systems, my plans to change it etc. Then I also realize की मी अजुन स्वतःला पूर्णपणे जाणलेलं नाहीय्ये. मी कोण अहे, मी काय अहे? खरं पाहता लोकान्नी मला माझी ओळख करुन दिली आहे. माझं नावही माझं नाहीय्ये, तेदेखील मला 'देण्यात' आलेलं अहे. मी ओळखतो का स्वतःला?

Whacky gadgets that I need the most!

I'm desperately looking for a time-machine. (Yes, obviously even I wish to live my good ol' school days, but that's not the prime reason here).

I really get irritated when people commit/do something and later on say "Mi he kelach nahi", "mi asa kaahi bolaloch/bolalech nahi". I don't understand why do people lie! Ok, I'm not claiming I do not do so, but what I'm talking about is its frequency, objective and level of that objective. Now don't ask me what time machine has got to do with all this. If I had that thing with me, I'd have used it just to bring truth forward and prove who is right and who is not.... Hey, I don't need that actually, can we have really large array of cameras, one for each person, that covers all the actvities.... Oops, now comes up the privacy issue. Are u thinking about suggesting me lie detector? Naah, it has its own limitations... So finaly, time machine seems to be reasonable bid here, provided "parallel universe theory" is not valid.

Selective Expandable Posts

Thanks to Ramani, I am able to have selective expandable posts (hopefuly)! This is a test if that code works!

And yes, its working! Anyway, if u r interested, visit: http://hackosphere.blogspot.com/2006/11/selective-expandable-posts.html

Men vs. Women (Part2)

Some facts:
Men:
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don’t really care for them.
4. Although they don’t really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if a woman leaves them.
7. Although the woman leaves they still don’t learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.

Women:
1. the most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just “An old rag”.
6. Although their clothes are always “just an old rag”, they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don’t believe you
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Loyalty:
Women: A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl) friend`s apartment overnight. So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and none of them confirm that she was with them...

Men: A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend`s apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still with them . . . !!!!
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Diary:
Her DIARY

I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was
my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and
not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply
smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why
he didn't say, "I love you, too." When we got home I felt as if I had
lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.He just sat
there and watched TV.; he seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided
to go to bed. About 10 minutes
later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I
decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I
started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do.
I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else and someone new has
entered his life. My life is a disaster.


HIS DIARY:
Today India lost the cricket match. DAMN IT !!
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How to Keep a Woman Happy
It's not difficult!

All you have to do is to be:

1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist
15. A gynecologist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. Be honest
47. Be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention,
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU:

53. Never forget:
birthdays
anniversaries
arrangements she makes

(2) HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY!!! :

1. Leave him in peace
2. Feed him well.
3. Let him have the remote control.
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Discoveries and inventions:
The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,
The woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
The woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

The man discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS,
The woman discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY.

The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
The woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
The woman discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE.

The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
The woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things...
While the women STUCK to shopping. :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Men vs. Women

Men vs. Women
Some subtle (and some not so subtle) differences

(I wish to clarify that there's 0% of my creativity involved in the following text... a bunch of fwds!
Also... Moral police, please leave!!! :) )

Dressing Up:

Women: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.

Men: A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

Handwriting:
Men: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch.

Women: Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot the "i" with circles or hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in the "p" and "g". It is a pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she will put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Groceries:

Women: A woman makes a list of things she needs, then goes out to the store and buys those things.

Men: A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the express lane.

Relationships:

Women: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.

Men: A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.

***:

Women: They prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay.

Men: They prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place part of the foreplay.

Maturity:

Women: They mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults.

Men: Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

Magazines:

Men: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body.

Women: Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.

Bathrooms:

Men: A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

Women: The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man cannot identify most of these items.

Shoes:

Women: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk.

Men: A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. Let's not talk about how many days he'll wear the same socks.

Cats:

Women: Women love cats.

Men: Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

Children:

Women: A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.

Men: A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Laundry:

Women: Women do laundry every couple of days.

Men: A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants (the ones that were hip about eight years ago) before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old episodes of "Love American Style."

Eating Out:

Men: When the check comes, each man will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

Women: When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

Mirrors:

Men: Men are vain and will check themselves out in a mirror.

Women: They are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, bald guys' heads.

Menopause:

Women: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual.

Men: Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction - he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

The Phone:

Men: Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people.

Women: A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Richard Gere:

Women: Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way.

Men: Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women.

Madonna:

Same as above, but reversed. Same reason.

Toys:

Women: Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.

Men: Men never grow out of their toy obsession. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive, silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TVs. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate.

Cameras:

Men: Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes.

Women: Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures.

Locker Rooms:

Men: In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.

Women: They talk about one thing in the locker room - ***. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.

Movies:

Women: Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man.

Men: The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.

Jewelry:

Women: Women look nice when they wear jewelry.

Men: A man can get away with wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

Conversation:

Men: Men need a good disagreement to get talking. For instance, "Wow, great movie." or "What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size."

Women: Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men by saying something agreeable: "That garden by the roadside looks lovely." "Mm hmm." Pause. "That was a good restaurant last night, wasn't it?" "Yeah." Pause. And so on.

Leg Warmers:
Women: Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants.

Men: A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the "Gimme the Ball" number in "A Chorus Line."

Nightouts:
Women: Women on a girls' night out talk the whole time.

Men: Men on a boy's night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are "Pass the Doritos" or "got any more beer?"

Restrooms:
Women: Women use restrooms as social lounges. Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. Women also go to the restroom in packs, at least two women at a time excuse themselves to use the restroom.

Men: Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Men in a restrooms will never speak a word to each other. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?"

Earthday Footprint Quiz

They said:

"IF EVERYONE LIVED LIKE YOU, WE WOULD NEED 1.0 PLANETS"

(1.0!!!! I have been saying this, you see , if everyone lived like me, this world would be perfect, a much better place! Now, isn't that a confirmation? My lifestyle is perfect!!! :o Yeah.... myself surprised! )
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Btw, if you wish to know what I'm talking about (and even if you didn't care :P ), please spare a minute or two to check your "ecological footprint".