Every single night!

Sometimes when I close my eyes
and think 'bt me
Realizing I'm still at the place
I always used to be

I wonder then why n' how
but that's all i do!
but then I get this strong feeling,
well.. it's gotta be something'bt u!

I think of all the time together
we spent back then
I remember even a single detail
what, where n' when?

Things now have some contexts added,
but the bond is still strong
Perspectives might have even changed,
but haven't we cared all along?

Nothing has really changed trust me
everything's still the same
But uh oh! I fear this might get worse,
u wouldn't then even know my name!

"Would such a day follow???" I ask
...n' may be it soon would!!!
Its hard time to "accept" that
but yes, I know I should!

Uncomfortable; pretty long silences,
and no reason to smile
But I bet we wud 'smile' then often
or rather... all the while..?!

But why should u even care abt that???
u r ALL at peace!
But I don't have strength to face all that,
so avoid me then please

"Things in life that don't matter
u better throw them away
N' Some things when they do matter
let it not affect your way! :) "

I tell you all this so confidently
and look at myself back again
I laugh to see myself entangled
in waste smiles and pain...

M still hoping against the hope
realizing its a perpetual fight!
But what made you do this to me, I wonder,
and that too every single night???

-Vedhas Pandit